finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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