I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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