he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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