Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It's official drugs can't kill me
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
