i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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