i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
