oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
