there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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