My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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