I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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