We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
