Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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