Whats the glycemic index on semen?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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