Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Shame is for Republicans.
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