Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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