Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
