hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
