Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
