what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
