I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
