I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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