i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
