All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
