I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Randomize
