i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
