can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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