sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
