at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Randomize
