fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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