You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize