There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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