i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
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