He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
