please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I feel like death gave me a hand job
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
