Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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