Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize