if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
