Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
