They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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