Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
