If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
