I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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