I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
