So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
