found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
