Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
