sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
