just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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