apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
