I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
as a side note pls kill me
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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