so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Randomize
