I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think my vagina is haunted
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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