Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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