I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
