In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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