i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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