you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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