I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
