she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
