He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize