you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
