And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
