Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
