i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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