Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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