Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
